The 12 Stepping Stones

For many years, guys and gals growing up getting their sex cues from Hollywood romances didn’t have a clue about how to kiss. That changed with more realistic kisses coming to the movies, but now the pendulum has gone beyond that point with most movie kisses looking like the two combatants are consuming each other for lunch.

This has caused more than a few folks to fail to understand how a kiss should work, and what methods might be employed to arouse the ardor in a lover with a simple kiss.

Unlike today’s movies, you shouldn’t jump into your lover’s mouth like a high-speed chase through a tunnel. Instead, build her anticipation by kissing all around her face. Begin your kiss slowly and gently with emotion and sensitivity.

First, kiss without using your tongue, slightly open mouthed, with sweet breath. Only after this initial modest kiss should you start to get serious, and only when your lover indicates that she’s ready for more (usually by using her tongue or by opening her mouth more widely to invite your tongue in).

From this point, there are a variety of ways you can continue this interplay:

• Take your lover’s bottom lip between the two of yours and suck gently.

• Trace the outline of your lover’s lips with the tip of your tongue.

• While kissing, lick you lover’s teeth with your tongue.

• To increase sexual excitement, make your kiss wet.

• Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately.

• Use hot or cold liquids to create erotic sensations.

• Kissing her eyelids and ears.

The key to success in all this is to go slowly, and to keep things modest especially with the first few kisses. Be sure to follow your lover’s kissing techniques and emulate them. Little by little the two of you will learn what works best.

Then put your knowledge to good use, bringing her slowly closer to consummating your encounter.

Are YOU Ready For Love

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“Last night was intense. I cannot believe we even did that! I cannot wait to be alone again. It’s like a whole new level of the game just opened up for me. Just thinking about last night leaves me hot and unable to focus on anything.” Does this sound familiar? It probably doesn’t, unless you are in a brand new relationship.

New relationships always start out pretty steamy. There’s always excitement surrounding doing anything sexual with a new partner. It’s invigorating to say the least! Wouldn’t it be nice to keep that level of excitement even after years of being with your partner? Try spicing up your sex life with a little experimentation.

Be sure to talk openly about experimentation. It’s important to know and respect each other’s boundaries. Once you are both comfortable with each other enough to talk about the things you would like to try, it will make the experimenting loads of dirty fun!

Below is a short list of fun ways to add a zing of excitement to your sex life.

1. Try a little light bondage.

Use whatever your saucy little heart desires as bonding material. Try starting with an easy place, like your bed, and work up to the more exciting places, like your back porch railing or the stair case or even the tree outside!

2. Add Toys.

Take your partner to an adult toy shop (or shop online if you’re the shy type) and each pick out a toy that you would like your partner to use on you. Once you get home, let the fun begin. Make sure to let down your guards and guide your partner through what you want.

3. Make your fantasy come true.

Think of the sexiest place you would like to get frisky in, then go there. You and your partner should both take turns picking places. Don’t leave out any details. Make sure to make your real-life fantasy as true to your imagined one as possible. Dress the part!

4. Use your senses.

When one of our senses is taken away, our other senses are sharpened to make up for the lost. Try blindfolding your partner. They won’t know what to expect next. Every intimate touch will be heightened to its fullest. Use tingling lube or ice cubes to really drive their senses wild.

5. Videotape yourselves.

Try setting up a video camera and act out your scenes. Make sure to watch it after you’re through. Being caught in the act and liking it can be quite fun. Being able to laugh at yourselves sexually will lighten the mood and make it even easier to speak to your partner about sexy time.

Stacey Cavalari holds a B.A in Communications and currently writes for Viamedic.com , a safe pharmacy for consumers to obtain FDA-approved medications such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra Online. Stacey uses her communications and research skills to cover health and wellness on the Viamedic.com Blog.

Have you noticed there are a decent number of people on the internet who are looking for someone to chat with online, on the phone or on webcams. There are also plenty of people who engage in various forms of phone and cyber-sex. But its not just a playful way to flirt with a stranger, there can be great benefits from phone sex for people in a long term relationship.

Define Phone Sex – Personal and Business

“Phone sex is a type of virtual sex that refers to sexually explicit conversation between two or more persons via telephone, especially when at least one of the participants masturbates or engages in sexual fantasy. Phone sex conversation may take many forms, including (but not limited to): guided, sexual sounds, narrated, and enacted suggestions; sexual anecdotes and confessions; candid expression of sexual feelings or love; discussion of very personal and sensitive sexual topics; or just two people listening to each other masturbate.

Phone sex exists both in the context of intimate relationships (e.g., among distanced lovers), and as a commercial transaction between a paying customer and a paid professional.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phone_sex)

Phone sex does not involve physical contact between the participants. You may wonder what sort of people participate in cyber-sex and phone sex?

• Single men and women
• Married men and women
• People who want to reach out to another person – even anonymously
• People in long distance relationship
• People who are separated by travel

People in a relationship may choose to engage in phone sex when they are separated by long distance and physical intimacy isn’t possible. There are also single or married people who want a connection to someone else. Some of these people would masturbate alone, but may choose to masturbate with another person – separated by the phone or internet. The people involved in the call do not have physical contact with one another, they may:

• use webcams to watch each other – clothed or nude
• one or both participants may masturbate during the call or chat
• one or both participants may talk about things they would like to do together
• one or both participants may talk about what they are doing to themselves while they are on the call or chat
• the conversation or chat can often lead to orgasm for one or both participants

These are some of the more common possibilities – what options would you add to the list?

I highly recommend this for couples who are away from each other, but want to maintain intimacy while you’re apart. You may think this wouldn’t be enjoyable or this wouldn’t make you horny. Here is a scenario – it has been a long day at work and you want to spend some time together, but can’t because he’s out of town. So, you decide to give him a call. During this call, the conversation could turn to the things you enjoy doing together. I admit that it can be boring depending on what you say.

On the other hand, let’s try something more creative and set the mood. You and your partner are each in a private space, maybe sitting on a comfortable chair or on your bed. As you begin to talk, the conversation gets hotter as you share some of the sexy things you enjoy. While he’s talking, you begin to unbutton your shirt and maybe slip off your shorts. Leaning back, you begin to run your hands over your body, with your eyes closed and thinking about him doing those things to you. This scenario can be very hot and enjoyable for both of you. Imagine you are massaging your clitoris and playing with your vibrator and/or dildo. You’re getting hotter while you watch him stroke his penis and you tell him how you want to take him in your hand and wrap your lips around him. As you explain in a sexy voice how you want to massage his balls while you take him into your hot, wet mouth and then you hear him moan. So, are you horny yet….

A dysfunctional family, divorced parents at a young age, communist influence and activism in her teens and a feminist journey – these are all elements of Big Sex Little Death.

Susie Bright is a vivid and clear voice in the sex positive community – a community that is growing each month. While we are glad to see this community growing and new niches being added to it – we need to think about the “battles” and “struggles” that led to the place where we are today. One of the outspoken and unconventional women that was a part of those struggles – is Susie Bright.

This memoir is divided into three main sections – First Bites, The Red Tide and All Along the Girl Tower. If you skip forward to The Red Tide, you will be missing key background information that will help you understand how a young woman could have all the unusual experiences that Susie Bright had – many before she got her GED. This section also provides interesting insights in the situation in various parts of the United States in the 60s and 70s. It’s a very interesting contemporary history lesson sprinkled with plenty of sex.

All Along the Girl Tower is the section that shares many details of Bright’s life story – feminism, sex toys, female sexual freedom and so much more. If you want to learn more about the history of women’s sexual awakening and rights in the US – I think you will find her story very interesting.

Each of the women in the 21st century owe a debt of gratitude to the women who came before us and who blazed the trial for us – Susie Bright is one of these women. This is a fascinating way to understand more of the details about how women got the chance to come out of the shadows and join the sexual awakening that men have always had access to – won’t you come along on the journey?

Read more about Susie Bright – http://susiebright.blogs.com/

Big Sex, Little Death on Amazon – http://www.amazon.com/Big-Sex-Little-Death-Memoir/dp/1580052649/

There seems to be a pretty even split between the people who think masturbation is “acceptable” and people who don’t. It seems that family, religion and society have far too much to say about whether a person should show that intimate love for themselves.

Some people feel that masturbation causes all sorts of problems – mentally, emotionally and physically. Do you think that’s true?

There are many reasons why people may choose to masturbate – whether they are in a relationship or are single. How many of us have times where you just want to feel that rush of adrenalin, the building and spreading stimulation as you feel the excitement spreading throughout your body – starting between your legs or maybe around your anus and building more and more as your hands or fingers move to the places on your body that make you feel so good. You feel your pulse or heart beat increase, maybe your temperature begins to rise… it may be one of those times when you’re in a warm bath – the water gushing into the bed or maybe the water is rushing over your body in the shower – and your hands working your body into a familiar frenzy. Closing your eyes, you think of your lovers mouth on your body, their hands kneading your wet backside, and they move to cup your breasts in their hand….

Do you like to fantasize while you masturbate? Does that make you a bad person? Or do you find that it makes you feel closer to your partner even when they aren’t with you? There are so many ways to look at the time you spend by yourself sexually.

Let’s take a look at an article I read about how many women masturbate. I would love to hear what you think. Do their numbers sound right to you?

92% Of Women Masturbate: How Often Do They Do It

A new study reveals 92% of women regularly take time out to masturbate, a huge jump from the findings of previous studies (74% in 1979 and 62% in 1953).

The Gossard Big M Survey interviewed 1,000 women, ages 18-30, and their answers indicate that not only do 9 out of 10 women play with themselves, two-thirds do it three times a week. The study refers to these as “sessions,” which we can assume doesn’t refer to the number of orgasms achieved, but rather, the time spent achieving them. ‘Cause you know that if you have one, you stick around for more. Orgasms from masturbating are like Payless shoes: Once you get the first pair, you get the second for next to nothing.

Going just from the published findings of this survey, it’s impossible to determine, on average, what percentage of the week is spent flying solo. So maybe we can make this a group effort? I’ll start off:

- I masturbate, on average, 5 days a week.
- Each “session” lasts for about 12 minutes, with a minimum of 3 orgasms a session, and a max of 13. (I don’t know if these means I’m really good at it, or really bad.)
- I sleep, on average, about 6 hours a night, so I’m deducting that from my “week.”

Variables:
- I work from home, so I have more opportunities to masturbate on a whim than most women.
- I use a Hitachi Magic Wand, which is indeed magical, so the act is easier. However, I also make up for time saved by being greedy with as many orgasms as possible.

So, if my math is correct, then:
7,080 minutes of my week, I am awake.
60 minutes are spent masturbating.

Which means:
.84% of my week is spent masturbating.

But also, of the days I masturbate:
1,080 minutes of my day are spent awake.
12 minutes are spent masturbating.

Which means:
1.1% of my day is spent masturbating.

Feel free to leave your results in the comments.

92% Of Women Like To Go Solo [The Sun]

Earlier: 10 Pop Songs About Female Masturbation

This was originally posted at http://jezebel.com/5107639/92-of-women-masturbate-but-how-often-do-they-do-it and you should definitely check out the comments

Most people know that men are visual beings. Their partner’s appearance is important, but that is NOT the full story. In addition, looks can fade and you need more than a cute face and body to get through the tough times.

But what are some other things that will capture his eye and keep his attention. There is a master list or checklist below to share many of these qualities with you. I also posted a question on my Facebook wall to see what my friends had to share and their comments are woven into the list.

• A woman with a strong sense of self-worth and who loves herself
• An adventuresome women – show your man that you are up for some adventure, indoors and out
• A woman who loves her partner as he is, without an agenda or plan to change him
• Affectionate women – take the time to be affectionate with you man, this can be innocent touching, loving, sensual and erotic affectionate gestures.
• A woman who appreciates a “nice guy” who will treat her well and love her
• Women who communicate openly, honestly & in a positive way
• Women who take the initiative – in life and especially sexually
• Uninhibited women who are comfortable in her skin and willing to go after what she wants
• Women who wear sexy lingerie and learning to do a strip tease is good
• Women who are responsive verbally and non-verbally – let your partner know you enjoy your time together
• Women who enjoy erotic dialogue – men enjoy it when their woman is willing to “talk dirty” to him. It can take some practice, but his reaction is worth the effort.
• This can include: talk in person, sexy notes, suggestive texts and emails
• Women who show their appreciation – in bed and out. Show that you appreciate the things he does for you.
• Women with a good sense of humor – but never make it look like you’re laughing AT him
• Easy-going women – leave the drama behind. The majority of men do not want to deal with the unnecessary drama. There are much better ways to get and keep his attention. This is also a reason many younger men give for their attraction to “older” women – much less drama.

How many of these traits do you have? If your answer is yes to only a few, it would be beneficial to work on developing more. These are some of the things that go into the “art of making love”. A few of the ways include: learning to release your inner sexpot, remembering to be a sensual wife along with being a mom, and learning to enjoy your sexuality along with pleasing your partner.

If you would like to learn more about developing these qualities and learning to please yourself and your partner, contact lovecoachjourney@gmail.com for more information. You can also download this FREE ebook Make it Happen! Discover More and Passion.

How have your sexual preferences and behavior changed over the years. In our 20s, we are often learning about ourselves and the opposite size. So many things are new to us and we may have insecurities about our prowess, our skills, and maybe our gender preferences. There are plenty of young men and women who experiment during their college years – the new freedom from parental oversight makes college a great time to try new things and experiment.

As we move into our 30s, our sexual confidence is likely to grow and we may want to try more adventurous things. Maybe you want to try BDSM or if you prefer vanilla sex, you may want to add some light bondage or pain. Many women experience more orgasms in their 30s, this may be because of increased confidence or because we are willing to ask for what we want from our partner.

The difficulties many couples feel in their 30s are created by having young children in the house – because of interruptions and exhaustion from your children. But as the children grow older and have more independence, their parents may find they have more time for private, sexual time together in their 40s or later.

But as we age, our bodies may begin to give us unique problems. Over half of the men will have problems getting an erection – not all the time, but from time to time they may have this problem. The men and their partners need to be understanding about these common issues. The problem will be made worse if the men or their partner overreact or are extremely negative about these difficulties. There are many temporary issues that may manifest themselves through erectile dysfunction, so its good to do thorough research and see what you need to adjust in your life to alleviate this problem. But I can tell you that added stress only makes the problem worse.

By the time we reach our 40s, over half of the people have been unfaithful to a partner. Whether this makes it wrong or right is a difficult question, but it is a fact of life for many men and women. So, heading into our late thirties and early forties, we should take a look at our relationship and see if there are any warning signs of potential problems. Learn more about the issues that are likely to lead to cheating and do what you can to head them off. A great resource is the Loveologists Guide to Understand Cheating – http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/DrAvaPages/luguide-cheating.html

There could be many reasons for this – but most people are having less sex in their 40s. This could definitely lead to the temptation to cheat, so be aware of letting our sex lives slide. Decreased sexual activity could also be a reason why a third of the men in their 40s are watching porn regularly. Or, it could be because their partners are more comfortable with incorporating porn into their time together.

As we move into our 40s, many people stop using protection when they have sex – even with new partners. Maybe we have gotten into a groove with a long term partner or there could be another reason – but it is important to be safe and especially with new partners or if you are having casual sex or one night stands. You’re never too old to be safe.

Which of these things sound familiar to you? Are they issues that concern you? Its important that we don’t get into a rut with our sex lives and our partners. There can be many ways that we take our partner for granted, but you can head off many problems by maintaining a healthy sex life that is satisfying to you and your partner – for years to come.

All aspects of our lives change and evolve over the years. We grow up, we grow mentally, physically and emotionally. And, we grow and change in our sexual behavior, expectations and so many other ways. Recently I wrote an article called Cumming of Age in Your 20?s and this is the next installment in that series.

In our 20s we experiment, spread our sexual wings and figure out some things about our sexual lives. Some people marry in their 20s while others wait till their 30s or later – that is part of our sexual journey.

Some of the things that are fairly usual for people and couples in their 30s, include:

• Experimenting with blindfolds, spanking and typing up a partner – some couples may opt to try more involved BDSM while others focus on more vanilla activities.
• Many couples hone their oral sex skills in their 30s – both giving and receiving. I would think this is a very good thing
• As women begin to get more comfortable with their sexuality – they are likely to have more orgasms
• Couples often have young children in their 30s and children can definitely disrupt or limit a couples’ sex life. It is very important for couples to put forth the effort to maintain their sex life and their time together – intimate or otherwise – for the health of their relationship.
• Many couples have had sex outdoors by their 30s – maybe in a car, in a secluded spot or possibly in their yard. There are many options – have you had sex outdoors?
• Straight women are likely to have gay male friends. Funny, I was having that conversation with a 16 year old female friend today and she totally agreed about having gay male friends. From what I’ve read, there is a definite symmetry between the minds of straight women and gay men, so it makes sense that they are friends.

These are only a few of the thing that may be true about your sex life in your 30s. What are some ways you care to share?

Whether you have your first sexual experiences in your teens or 20s, its likely that many people will experiment in their 20s. Maybe its because most people move out of their parents house in their 20s. Many other people are in college in their 20s and that can be a great time to experiment and test the limits of your sexuality. Even for the young men and women who had parents who let them do what they wanted in their teens, there is still something stimulating and liberating about being in your 20s – being an adult.

Our perspective and attitude about sex will likely change depending on our personal situation and our age. Some activities are more common in our 20s, 30s or 40s.

What are some of the things you tried in your late teens or your 20s? Here are a few examples:

Thinking About Sex A Lot - For men, it seems that most men think about sex a lot. That can be triggered by seeing a hot woman, hearing a sexy voice, watching porn, seeing a centerfold, or even a stiff breeze. But seriously, most men do think of sex on a very regular basis and especially in their 20s. I think if many women are honest, they think of sex a lot too – maybe not as often as men, but its still something women definitely think about.

BiCurious and Same Sex Experimentation – When you’re young it can be a good time to experiment with the opposite sex and sometimes with the same gender. I’ve heard all kinds of stories about people experimenting in college or at parties when they are young. Even if you know that you’re straight, you may just be curious. What would it be like to kiss and maybe make out with another woman? What would it be like to kiss another guy? Your 20s, may be the time you decide to see what its like. Another time can be after being in a marriage for years and then wondering what you missed by being straight.

NSA and Friends with Benefits – Your 20s can also be a great time for no strings attached sex and friends with benefits. You may feel you’re too young to be married or you just aren’t ready to be married, but you still want to have sex – and these are two option that men and women chose, while they are looking for that special someone or while they want to stay single.

Various Sexual Positions - Your 20s can also be a great time to try a wide variety of sexual positions. You are young, full of energy and likely more limber and flexible than you will be in the 30s, 40s and beyond. This could be a great time to try different types of sex and different positions. See what appeals to you and what you like with a partner. Your preferences could change as you get older and with different partners, but that’s all right. You keep things interesting and you can keep discovering new things that you enjoy.

Threesomes and Moresomes – Most men and many women have thought about or fantasized about being in a threesome or other group sex. You may feel your 20s are a great time to experiment with sex with multiple partners. A threesome or other group sex can be more enjoyable and less emotional when you aren’t in a relationship – so your 20s could be a great time to try sex with a man and a woman, two men or two women. This is an article I wrote for couples considering a threesome and this is an article I wrote for an individual considering a threesome with a couple.  Both include important things you should consider before having a threesome.

Sex with An Older Partner – For people in their 20s with limited sexual experiences or who are very curious, they may want to have sex with an older man or woman. An older partner will likely have more experience and can teach you new things. So, this could be a great time to hook up with an older man or woman. With the current mentality, it is becoming more acceptable for a younger man and an older woman to get together, so this can be a likely option for men or women.

These are just some of the activities and attitudes that can be normal for people having sex in their 20. What other things would you include?

There are many things to consider when you have sex for the first time and when you’re having sex at a young age. That is content for another article, but if you would like to talk about concerns or question, feel free to click the “contact me” button on the left side of the page or email me at lovecoachjourney@gmail.com