For my initial thoughts about maintaining self-love during heartbreak and a crisis, you can find the introduction in this post — http://lovecoachjourney.com/1462/maintain-improve-love-yourself/

Remove myself from the negativity that is causing me grief. This is not always possible to do for extended periods of time as we may live or work with the cause of our heartache. But most of us can find a few moments each day to either be alone or with people who lift us up. After all most of us would rather be alone than with people who depress us.

Keep Busy. When I need to work through an issue I keep my hands busy with constructive mindless projects… cleaning out my closet, purging old clothes, rearranging my furniture or garage, gardening, baking, reading, working out, cleaning my truck, what ever it is that we can do that allows us to still think about the issue without losing our minds from idleness. This allows my mind to work through the issue and I am being progressive and distracted enough to allow my subconscious to work on the issue as I am aware that my subconscious will eventually bring the solution to my conscious state of thinking. I know getting off the couch or out of bed to do anything when we feel so heavy is almost impossible but you must get up and keep moving, doing something positive even if it only one little project per day!

Speak Positively. “I will be ok. I will get through this. Time will take care of me.

I am worthy, I just have to keep moving, keep busy.” Tell yourself, “what has happened to me is the door to a better life but I just cannot open that door yet because I am still refusing to believe it has happened and I still hurt, but I will get there, I will open that new door and allow a new way of life to present itself.”

Also we have to consciously and physically do things that will speed up the process of getting back to “normal.”

Eat or stop eating, which ever one you tend to do when you are suffering. I don’t eat which weakens the brain and body making me unable to function making my brain and body weak and I think the worst insecure thoughts when I don’t feed myself, plus I have no strength to get up. I make a conscious effort now to eat something, especially in the morning making sure my brain is fed and I think healthier thoughts with more energy.

Over eating not only adds fat to our body that we do not need, it feeds our brain with guilt and shame adding to the already self loathing we may be feeling, put the fork down and go for a walk!

Do not consume alcohol to mask the pain or do drugs that are not prescribed by your doctor. Alcohol is a depressant and will only magnify your sorrow and pathetic is what you become. Drugs will mask your pain for a minute but as soon as you sober up…the pain will have intensified because of the guilt associated with the alcohol and drug use and the vicious cycle of abuse begins. Soon you will find yourself so far down the depression chart you have no idea how to climb back up…but you can…put the bottle down and throw the drugs away…they are for happier times of celebration, which you will have and that glass of wine will taste so much sweeter.

Do not e-mail, pick up the phone to make calls or text to the person who has caused your heartache, especially if you have been drinking or doing drugs, you will only make yourself feel and appear pathetic and needy…pathetic and needy is a gross feeling which contributes to our low self esteem and we want to feel proud of our selves for getting past the moments of wanting to make contact. As each day goes by the prouder you will feel.

Do not to stay in bed or on the couch. Get up, shower, and get dressed. This will make you feel and look better to yourself. And there is no one but you who deserves to feel and look good for.

Avoid negativity. Stay close to people who lift you up! I know it is almost impossible to avoid all negativity but do your best to move away from it when you recognize it. Negative words, personalities and generally people who are always finding the worst about every situation and talking about our sorrow in a negative demeaning way only prolongs our agony….get away from them!

Talk. Don’t keep all the anxiety inside allowing it to build up, speak with at least one person who will listen, truly listen to you. It does not have to be a professional, not every one can afford professional therapy. Find that one person you can trust to tell your feelings to that is not the person who has contributed to your pain. This kind of release will help put your scattered mind back in some order. If you have no one to speak with there are community counsellors who will listen…find someone, do not try to do this by yourself, let someone know what is happening to you. I had two people who are not in my town but I call them as soon as I feel myself slipping back to being sad, they remind me of the good things in my life.

Sleep. We all need to sleep but no matter how tired our bodies are, when our minds won’t shut down sleep becomes elusive, making us more weak and vulnerable and susceptible to dis-ease. We repair our bodies and mind when we sleep. It is so easy to get our sleep patterns confused when we are suffering. Try to get up early and stay up until a reasonable time to go back to bed. Get physical to tire yourself out; this helps with the mind too! Get up when you wake up, even if it is in the middle of the night because staying in bed when you are awake allows your mind to depress you more. Get up and do something constructive, such as read a book, a craft or hobby that preoccupies your hands and mind until you are tired again.

The love we develop for ourselves. Soon you will find that time has passed and the pain has eased. The moment you realize you have turned a corner and are not so depressed or filled with anxiety, that is the moment we wish we could bottle to use in the future. Unfortunately we cannot bottle our level emotions and please understand that a smell, a photo, a name on a street sign post, an old sweater or movie will trigger memories but because we have done everything we can for ourselves to become strong again, we do not fall as far as we once did. We have developed a love for our life that was not there before the heartache and the feelings we once had of unworthiness and self loathing disappear. Today it amazes me how I want to be thankful for the heartache…I would never have developed this strength without going through it.

Continue to focus only on the positive aspects of your life, let the negative move through you without affecting you; it will pass, you will be strong and proud of yourself again….I promise!

For more information about Unfinished by Suzanne Gravelle, visit http://www.amazon.com/Unfinished-Suzanne-Gravelle/dp/192700506X and you can follow her journey on her blog – http://ontourwithsuzanne.blogspot.com.

For many years, guys and gals growing up getting their sex cues from Hollywood romances didn’t have a clue about how to kiss. That changed with more realistic kisses coming to the movies, but now the pendulum has gone beyond that point with most movie kisses looking like the two combatants are consuming each other for lunch.

This has caused more than a few folks to fail to understand how a kiss should work, and what methods might be employed to arouse the ardor in a lover with a simple kiss.

Unlike today’s movies, you shouldn’t jump into your lover’s mouth like a high-speed chase through a tunnel. Instead, build her anticipation by kissing all around her face. Begin your kiss slowly and gently with emotion and sensitivity.

First, kiss without using your tongue, slightly open mouthed, with sweet breath. Only after this initial modest kiss should you start to get serious, and only when your lover indicates that she’s ready for more (usually by using her tongue or by opening her mouth more widely to invite your tongue in).

From this point, there are a variety of ways you can continue this interplay:

• Take your lover’s bottom lip between the two of yours and suck gently.

• Trace the outline of your lover’s lips with the tip of your tongue.

• While kissing, lick you lover’s teeth with your tongue.

• To increase sexual excitement, make your kiss wet.

• Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately.

• Use hot or cold liquids to create erotic sensations.

• Kissing her eyelids and ears.

The key to success in all this is to go slowly, and to keep things modest especially with the first few kisses. Be sure to follow your lover’s kissing techniques and emulate them. Little by little the two of you will learn what works best.

Then put your knowledge to good use, bringing her slowly closer to consummating your encounter.

Are YOU Ready For Love

Are You:

* Single and Looking For Love
* Married and Trying to Improve Your Relationship

Do You:

* Want to Love Yourself More
* Find More Love in a Current Relationship
* Want a Better and More Loving Relationship the Next Time Around
* Want to Increase Your Self Esteem and Self Respect

I’m a Love and Relationship Coach and I have a program to help YOU with all these things.

Enter your name and email address below to get your FREE copy of my ebook

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(and there is a very special offer on the last page)

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Touch a woman’s mind you get her interest.

Touch a woman’s heart you get her love.

Touch a woman’s soul you get passion beyond your wildest dreams!

Breast cancer has become one of the leading causes of deaths among women in the world. In 2010, an estimated 207,090 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 54,010 new cases of non-invasive (in situ) breast cancer.It the second leading cause of cancer death in the US. It is, in fact, the most common malignancy problem that is affecting women in North America and Europe today.

But what is breast cancer and how do people get it?

Breast cancer occurs when malignant tumors in the breast grow and start to affect other tissues in the body. There is still no clear indications how tumors are created but often the cancerous cells come from ducts or glands.

Although women’s health organizations advise women to massage their breasts daily and to feel for any lumps, it can be a long time before a cancerous cell is big enough for us to feel it. By that time, it may be too late. Doctors make use of mammograms for their diagnosis.

At risk

All women are at risk and the risk increases with various factors that are part of the natural cycle, for example, getting older. A family history of breast cancer can significantly affect the prognosis as heredity has been found to play a role. Women who got their periods before they were 12 years old and those who never had or had children after 30 years old are also more likely to develop breast cancer.

There are other risk factors that medical science can help such as hormonal problems through replacement therapies. These include advising women to decrease their consumption of alcoholic drinks, to exercise every day and to decrease the use of birth control pills. Breastfeeding has also been found to decrease the risk of breast cancer development.

Factors That Contribute to Breast Cancer

Although there are some factors women can avoid to prevent breast cancer from developing, the cause and effect relationships between these factors and breast cancer is still debatable. For women who are already at high risk, doctors often recommend a drug called Tamoxifen, which is known to decrease the risk by as much 50 percent when taken in five years. Like all medications, Tamoxifen has side effects such as hot flashes, vaginal discharge and sometimes blood clots. Taking the drug can lead to pulmonary embolus, stroke and uterine cancer, although these are all isolated cases.

Another alternative for women is to use Vitamin A, which some studies show to be effective in decreasing the risk. This research is still in the initial stages and nothing has been proven definitely yet. Other things that are being linked to the breast cancer fight are phytoestrogens, which can be found in soya, Vitamin E, and Vitamin C.

Until something concrete is discovered through research, the only thing women can do to ensure they are safe from breast cancer – is early detection. This can be done through daily self-examinations as well as annual check-ups and mammogram tests. It is important that women understand the initial stages of breast cancer. Here are some of the signs that they should watch out for.

• Lumps in the breast and in the underarms
• Scaling of the skin of the breast and of the nipple
• Redness in the skin of the breast and of the nipple
• Changes in the size of their breasts
• Discharges from the nipple

If these signs are observed, it is best to consult a specialist so they can do further testing to determine if you have breast cancer or not.

Special Note - During August, September and October of 2011, I’m sharing information about breast cancer in conjunction with The Flawless Beauty Photo Contest. The contest is a part of a fundraising event I’m coordinating to benefit The Breast Cancer Research Foundation. We invite you to enter and share a picture that shows your beauty – don’t worry if you’re not “flawless” – none of us are, but we want to see “your inner and outer beauty” And, the first prize winner, will win a 75 carat black diamond necklace worth about $7500. For more details, visit http://www.jonravencontest.com

Nikki Leigh – Love and Relationship Coach and Master Sexpert

http://www.lovecoachjourney.com

Have you noticed there are a decent number of people on the internet who are looking for someone to chat with online, on the phone or on webcams. There are also plenty of people who engage in various forms of phone and cyber-sex. But its not just a playful way to flirt with a stranger, there can be great benefits from phone sex for people in a long term relationship.

Define Phone Sex – Personal and Business

“Phone sex is a type of virtual sex that refers to sexually explicit conversation between two or more persons via telephone, especially when at least one of the participants masturbates or engages in sexual fantasy. Phone sex conversation may take many forms, including (but not limited to): guided, sexual sounds, narrated, and enacted suggestions; sexual anecdotes and confessions; candid expression of sexual feelings or love; discussion of very personal and sensitive sexual topics; or just two people listening to each other masturbate.

Phone sex exists both in the context of intimate relationships (e.g., among distanced lovers), and as a commercial transaction between a paying customer and a paid professional.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phone_sex)

Phone sex does not involve physical contact between the participants. You may wonder what sort of people participate in cyber-sex and phone sex?

• Single men and women
• Married men and women
• People who want to reach out to another person – even anonymously
• People in long distance relationship
• People who are separated by travel

People in a relationship may choose to engage in phone sex when they are separated by long distance and physical intimacy isn’t possible. There are also single or married people who want a connection to someone else. Some of these people would masturbate alone, but may choose to masturbate with another person – separated by the phone or internet. The people involved in the call do not have physical contact with one another, they may:

• use webcams to watch each other – clothed or nude
• one or both participants may masturbate during the call or chat
• one or both participants may talk about things they would like to do together
• one or both participants may talk about what they are doing to themselves while they are on the call or chat
• the conversation or chat can often lead to orgasm for one or both participants

These are some of the more common possibilities – what options would you add to the list?

I highly recommend this for couples who are away from each other, but want to maintain intimacy while you’re apart. You may think this wouldn’t be enjoyable or this wouldn’t make you horny. Here is a scenario – it has been a long day at work and you want to spend some time together, but can’t because he’s out of town. So, you decide to give him a call. During this call, the conversation could turn to the things you enjoy doing together. I admit that it can be boring depending on what you say.

On the other hand, let’s try something more creative and set the mood. You and your partner are each in a private space, maybe sitting on a comfortable chair or on your bed. As you begin to talk, the conversation gets hotter as you share some of the sexy things you enjoy. While he’s talking, you begin to unbutton your shirt and maybe slip off your shorts. Leaning back, you begin to run your hands over your body, with your eyes closed and thinking about him doing those things to you. This scenario can be very hot and enjoyable for both of you. Imagine you are massaging your clitoris and playing with your vibrator and/or dildo. You’re getting hotter while you watch him stroke his penis and you tell him how you want to take him in your hand and wrap your lips around him. As you explain in a sexy voice how you want to massage his balls while you take him into your hot, wet mouth and then you hear him moan. So, are you horny yet….

Most people know that men are visual beings. Their partner’s appearance is important, but that is NOT the full story. In addition, looks can fade and you need more than a cute face and body to get through the tough times.

But what are some other things that will capture his eye and keep his attention. There is a master list or checklist below to share many of these qualities with you. I also posted a question on my Facebook wall to see what my friends had to share and their comments are woven into the list.

• A woman with a strong sense of self-worth and who loves herself
• An adventuresome women – show your man that you are up for some adventure, indoors and out
• A woman who loves her partner as he is, without an agenda or plan to change him
• Affectionate women – take the time to be affectionate with you man, this can be innocent touching, loving, sensual and erotic affectionate gestures.
• A woman who appreciates a “nice guy” who will treat her well and love her
• Women who communicate openly, honestly & in a positive way
• Women who take the initiative – in life and especially sexually
• Uninhibited women who are comfortable in her skin and willing to go after what she wants
• Women who wear sexy lingerie and learning to do a strip tease is good
• Women who are responsive verbally and non-verbally – let your partner know you enjoy your time together
• Women who enjoy erotic dialogue – men enjoy it when their woman is willing to “talk dirty” to him. It can take some practice, but his reaction is worth the effort.
• This can include: talk in person, sexy notes, suggestive texts and emails
• Women who show their appreciation – in bed and out. Show that you appreciate the things he does for you.
• Women with a good sense of humor – but never make it look like you’re laughing AT him
• Easy-going women – leave the drama behind. The majority of men do not want to deal with the unnecessary drama. There are much better ways to get and keep his attention. This is also a reason many younger men give for their attraction to “older” women – much less drama.

How many of these traits do you have? If your answer is yes to only a few, it would be beneficial to work on developing more. These are some of the things that go into the “art of making love”. A few of the ways include: learning to release your inner sexpot, remembering to be a sensual wife along with being a mom, and learning to enjoy your sexuality along with pleasing your partner.

If you would like to learn more about developing these qualities and learning to please yourself and your partner, contact lovecoachjourney@gmail.com for more information. You can also download this FREE ebook Make it Happen! Discover More and Passion.

How have your sexual preferences and behavior changed over the years. In our 20s, we are often learning about ourselves and the opposite size. So many things are new to us and we may have insecurities about our prowess, our skills, and maybe our gender preferences. There are plenty of young men and women who experiment during their college years – the new freedom from parental oversight makes college a great time to try new things and experiment.

As we move into our 30s, our sexual confidence is likely to grow and we may want to try more adventurous things. Maybe you want to try BDSM or if you prefer vanilla sex, you may want to add some light bondage or pain. Many women experience more orgasms in their 30s, this may be because of increased confidence or because we are willing to ask for what we want from our partner.

The difficulties many couples feel in their 30s are created by having young children in the house – because of interruptions and exhaustion from your children. But as the children grow older and have more independence, their parents may find they have more time for private, sexual time together in their 40s or later.

But as we age, our bodies may begin to give us unique problems. Over half of the men will have problems getting an erection – not all the time, but from time to time they may have this problem. The men and their partners need to be understanding about these common issues. The problem will be made worse if the men or their partner overreact or are extremely negative about these difficulties. There are many temporary issues that may manifest themselves through erectile dysfunction, so its good to do thorough research and see what you need to adjust in your life to alleviate this problem. But I can tell you that added stress only makes the problem worse.

By the time we reach our 40s, over half of the people have been unfaithful to a partner. Whether this makes it wrong or right is a difficult question, but it is a fact of life for many men and women. So, heading into our late thirties and early forties, we should take a look at our relationship and see if there are any warning signs of potential problems. Learn more about the issues that are likely to lead to cheating and do what you can to head them off. A great resource is the Loveologists Guide to Understand Cheating – http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/DrAvaPages/luguide-cheating.html

There could be many reasons for this – but most people are having less sex in their 40s. This could definitely lead to the temptation to cheat, so be aware of letting our sex lives slide. Decreased sexual activity could also be a reason why a third of the men in their 40s are watching porn regularly. Or, it could be because their partners are more comfortable with incorporating porn into their time together.

As we move into our 40s, many people stop using protection when they have sex – even with new partners. Maybe we have gotten into a groove with a long term partner or there could be another reason – but it is important to be safe and especially with new partners or if you are having casual sex or one night stands. You’re never too old to be safe.

Which of these things sound familiar to you? Are they issues that concern you? Its important that we don’t get into a rut with our sex lives and our partners. There can be many ways that we take our partner for granted, but you can head off many problems by maintaining a healthy sex life that is satisfying to you and your partner – for years to come.

All aspects of our lives change and evolve over the years. We grow up, we grow mentally, physically and emotionally. And, we grow and change in our sexual behavior, expectations and so many other ways. Recently I wrote an article called Cumming of Age in Your 20?s and this is the next installment in that series.

In our 20s we experiment, spread our sexual wings and figure out some things about our sexual lives. Some people marry in their 20s while others wait till their 30s or later – that is part of our sexual journey.

Some of the things that are fairly usual for people and couples in their 30s, include:

• Experimenting with blindfolds, spanking and typing up a partner – some couples may opt to try more involved BDSM while others focus on more vanilla activities.
• Many couples hone their oral sex skills in their 30s – both giving and receiving. I would think this is a very good thing
• As women begin to get more comfortable with their sexuality – they are likely to have more orgasms
• Couples often have young children in their 30s and children can definitely disrupt or limit a couples’ sex life. It is very important for couples to put forth the effort to maintain their sex life and their time together – intimate or otherwise – for the health of their relationship.
• Many couples have had sex outdoors by their 30s – maybe in a car, in a secluded spot or possibly in their yard. There are many options – have you had sex outdoors?
• Straight women are likely to have gay male friends. Funny, I was having that conversation with a 16 year old female friend today and she totally agreed about having gay male friends. From what I’ve read, there is a definite symmetry between the minds of straight women and gay men, so it makes sense that they are friends.

These are only a few of the thing that may be true about your sex life in your 30s. What are some ways you care to share?